'Darkness is the heart's true essence'

I have just recently read a post from LD.Blaney's blog (http://theld-effect.blogspot.com/) about his faith and humanity...and it mentions about violence and that 'violence is in human nature'. You know what... he is absolutely right about that.


In our lifes, we do walk through some very dark corridors and doorways which can have an affect on our lives, but as well as that, there are some which are within ourselves as well. So not only with face it, but we have and use it as well; we were born with it. 


Lets look at it this way, Darkness is in our hearts, it in everybody's hearts, whether how good or evil a human you are. Doesn't matter that you choose not to use it or to use every drop of it, you are full of darkness no matter what. I myself choose not you use it, but if I'm in a situation where it needs to be used, then I will. 


Honestly guys don't run away from it or fear it, it is not as scary as you think it is. I used to be scared of mine and I still am at times, but the whole bogeyman inside me just turned out to be just a visual image created by my mind from the very emotion I felt at the same time. You can use the darkness inside you for good deeds as well i.e. defending/protecting a best friend and avenging those you care about.


Also if you think about the whole antagonist and protagonist idea, you'll probably thinking that the antagonist is full of darkness, which is correct. However, if you look at it another way, the hero is full of darkness as well, they beat the living shit out of the villain, because they are full of rage and rage comes from the darkness within them. So it doesn't matter what kind of person you are; kind, polite, friendly or nasty, selfish, arrogant, you are full of darkness, your darkness; your blood.


You'll probably thinking, 'you're a complete nutter Josh' and 'what is wrong with you man' and yes I probably am to think such a thing, but it's nothing to be afraid off, it's in us. To be honest, I actually don't think of it like that on a regular day-to-day basis, I just think of it as it's there and that's that. In fact I don't think of it at all, the whole thought of it, just makes me feel uncomfortable some times... but that's what I think is the true nature of mankind... and it's all thanks to human emotions.


By the way, the quote I used is also taken off from 'Kingdom Hearts'. I don't know why I use them quotes, but it's something about them that sort of reflects on some of my life and views... kinda weird but cool I suppose lool :P


*A word of advice, don't think too deeply about it after reading this, it could mess your mind up completely and change your views on this subject, honestly stick to your own personal views*

Symbolism of Jmac

Throughout my life, I have been through quite a lot of rough times, and I still am as I've typed this post. There was no one who I can turn to, other than my amazing best friend LD.Blaney (honestly check out his blog, it's amazing http://theld-effect.blogspot.com/) and he once said to me ''what doesn't kill you makes you stronger'' and that I will be standing on my two feet no matter what. It was then after that, I realised I'm not alone and that I can stand up to the darkness, which then came to a conclusion that I wanted a symbol that symbolises me and the above.

The symbol is a fusion of two existing symbols which are actually my favourites as well; the Ankh and the inverted pentagram. The Ankh goes back to Ancient Egyptian times and it is a symbol of life and immortality. So basically I have chosen the Ankh, because I want it to represent the fact that, no matter how dark times may be, I will still be standing and continuing on my life. 


The pentagram is merely supporting the Ankh, which also represents darkness, masculinity and for myself, the people which are around me specifically my best friend and a few other friends, plus there is one more as well, but I don't know and haven't met her yet, but she is out there somewhere.


I was also going to have this tattooed on me around December time after my birthday, but I didn't think it was the right time to get it tattooed on me, but someday I will.


Anyway, that's me done with this post, feel free to share what symbolises you via the comments section below :D

Did you know I used to be a tap dancer...

Yeah, it's true you know, I actually did tap dance... until I feel in the sink... BOOM BOOM!!! :P

WOW!! I've changed a lot since then... haha lool :P

New was once old

Illustration of  Deja vu

Everyday new things and events always happen to me and everyone around me, but most times they aren't as new as they seem to me. It feels like, these events have happened once before, but I can never be certain if they have happened or not; Déjà vu (French translation of ''already seen''). Everyday, I have at least 2-3 déjà vu moments and some times, they usually leave me feeling eerie and weird.  

I know... this sounds completely weird and I'm going absolutely bonkers, but to be honest I'm not, it's perfectly normal psychological behaviour and it's quite common to have at my age group. However, I do suffer with anxiety/depression and frequent déjà vu is in fact one of the side effects of anxiety as well, so I guess that's the down point to it.


But it's always best not to think about it too much, it's always best to just look at it and say ''ugh fuck it'' and move on.


Sorry that this post is a bit ''meh'' but I just had one of those moments and I just thought I share this with you. This is probably one of my serious posts, but don't worry, the next post will be a lot more positive, I can guarantee that :) 

Whenever there is a con, there is a pro

Con                     <------>                        Pro

Duels of the Past

Change of Heart Card

Whilst I was in College on Thursday, I couple of my friends were talking about Yu-Gi-Oh for some reason, but them talking about it just reminded me of the good ol' days when I used to battle my friends with my monsters and draining life points from them (I know, it's sad I still remember everything about it). I absolutely loved that game when I was a child and young teenager, I'd be duelling with near enough anyone who wanted to challenge me and I must say, they were pretty good players. I even watched the anime series which was on TV a lot and bought and actually still own the movie on DVD lool :P


Now though and a while back, I went off the game, but I actually still got my cards kept somewhere in my room. 

Marik Ishtar

My favourite card out of all of them was 'Change of Heart'. I don't know why I loved that card, but I just did, it sort of attached with me whenever I made up a deck. I've heard that this card is now a forbidden card as well... damn you Konami.
My favourite character in the series was Marik Ishtar, he was my favourite villain throughout the series and he seemed very mystical and sinister compared to the others. Also he had this modernised Ancient Egyptian styled look too, which goes back to what I said with me liking Egyptian stuff at that time. His character also had the best theme song as well
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCUAt-KugWc


I really am surprised though, that the game is still played today by others and that some of them are actually way above my age, they even go to tournaments as well, which honestly surprises me.


Well, like I said I have gone off the game now, but perhaps someday I may have another battle again with a lucky opponent :D

'One who knows nothing, can understand nothing'

Trapper Hat - Honestly does this look like a Japanese hat?...
Stupid girl!!

The very quote that I think is honestly true. Honestly, the amount of kids and teenagers I come across today... just worry me. The things they come out with, it's like... wow, they are soo thick. Like the other day, I was wearing my trapper hat and on my way to Sixth Form, a girl walked past me and said, ''is that like a Japanese hat or something''... grrrrr no!!! and also I heard someone say this too ''You can get arrested if you don't return home''... things like that just make me laugh... hahahaha look it's chuckled me now loool :P


Anyway, feel free to put in your moments like this via the comments section :D




If you are wondering where this quote has come from, it is from one of my favourites games I used to play a while back; Kingdom Hearts.

Whiteboards... they're remarkable

Who is Jmac?

I've noticed that I haven't said much about me in my last post, so here are the facts:

• As you know already, my name is Josh MacDougall a.k.a Jmac, I'm 19 years old and currently attend Sixth Form (which is really shit at the moment). I am studying Media and for some reason, been put down for English resit which I didn't ask to do (DAMN YOU!!) and is also now my second resit, but fingers crossed hopefully I'll get that C grade this time. 

Me as the Camera Operator (Media course at Sixth Form)

• After I leave Sixth Form, I have no intention of going to University what-so-ever, but I am hoping for a career in being a Camera Operator or maybe even a Film editor for Films, which my best friend (bro) had inspired me to do. Before I ever thought of that and when I was a slip of a child, I had so many bizarre jobs that I wanted to do; the first to be an Archaeologist, then more specifically Egyptologist because I was into Egyptian stuff in Junior School (WHAT THE FUCK!!) and then after that a Policeman (I can never see myself as a policeman, I'd be a really shit policeman). But as I got older, I grew out of them and then went onto serious job thoughts; IT/computers, but the A-level ICT course I did at Sixth Form, seriously put me off it... and now here I am.

• I would compare my life to 'two sides of the same coin', because I  suffer with anxiety/depression, but at the moment it's so far so good. Counsellors and professionals, they can go fuck themselves, because I don't need them; I have got my friends and family there for me during the darkest of times.

Me presenting on Radio

• I also been well... not the most confident person to live on this rock, but I have been getting better and better as time moves on. I have been working voluntary at my local community radio station as a presenter of one of their shows, which has really gained me a lot of confidence in myself, but now I have moved on from radio (because I got fed up with it) and now their Camera Operator/Film Maker. On top of all that, I'd say most of the confidence build has came from my best friend, who is more the brother I have always wanted. 

• Yep I am 19 years old and still living at home, but hey it's normal in my book. Unfortunately unlike most guys today, I haven't got a girlfriend yet, still single and a bit lonely to be honest, but someday I will find my girl, she is out there somewhere.

Introducing... JMAC!!!

Me Josh (Jmac)

My name is Josh MacDougall, but most people call me by the name Jmac. I never knew why exactly, but ever since then, I excepted it and it's now my nickname. Well, this blog that I have made here is... well it's just a blog really; if there is something I wish to share on here, then I'm happy to do so. It will probably most likely be just random shizz, but hey that's what I am, A Random guy, the guy that brings randomness to the neighbourhood...


But anyway, I am going to shut the hell up now and let this blog go with the flow... so enjoy :)